We've been talking a lot about dating this week and how relationships begin. The first factor we all jump to is physical attraction, and yes this is extremely important and more often than not the initial reason two people begin a relationship. But we must not overlook propinquity. Having access to the person you are interested in is a key component in getting to know someone. There is only so far an online relationship can and will go. You must spend time with this person. Other than just this, if you are in close proximity as someone you are more likely to have similarities. For example if you meet at a country dance club, odds are you both like country music. Or if you meet at a ski resort, or at a cooking class, we have common ground.
People say that times have changed and that one in five relationships today begin online and that this is a great way to begin a romantic relationship. I would have to disagree. There is a book called "How to avoid falling in love with a Jerk" by Van Epp. He says that Time is one of the three components that are crucial to getting to know someone. You have to spend adequate time together. He explains that three months is the minimum to get to know important things about one other. The other is Togetherness. That you need a wide range of activities to be able to see your partner in a number of circumstances and how they conduct themselves. The third is Talk. Both your partner and yourself must be willing to indulge in the same amount of information at the same rate. One partner that remains closed up while the other offers personal information it can cause an imbalance and leave the relationship feeling one sided.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Culture
This week in class we have been talking about culture, values and judgement. It is important that we not pass judgement on other cultures. Without being in their shoes we have a hard time truly knowing what it would be like having to make the decisions they have to make.
A great example I can think of is female circumcision practiced in many parts of the world, but specifically in West Africa. Women in Africa are circumcised by their mothers, older sisters and grandmothers usually around the age of 12 or shortly before puberty and the menstrual cycle begin. Most of their genitalia is cut off and their vaginas sown up. This is to ensure virginity until marriage. Although I do not agree with female circumcision, and taking all sexual pleasure out of a woman's life, who am I, or who are we to say they need to stop this practice?
What if you were a mother of a young girl in Africa? Would you circumcise her? It is all too easy for us Westerners to quickly say no. But what if it meant your daughter would never be married if she wasn't? In most cultures in West Africa if a woman reaches marriage age and has not been circumcised they are viewed as dirty, unclean, a sexually deviant woman, but more hurtful, unmarriageable. If you knew you would never be able to marry off your daughter you may think twice about the traditions that are expected. A woman might even be upset with their mother for not making it a priority to follow the culture of the land.
This may be an extreme example but all I'm provoking is we not be so quick to judge when we hear about other countries, or even our own, that value different things from our own views.
A great example I can think of is female circumcision practiced in many parts of the world, but specifically in West Africa. Women in Africa are circumcised by their mothers, older sisters and grandmothers usually around the age of 12 or shortly before puberty and the menstrual cycle begin. Most of their genitalia is cut off and their vaginas sown up. This is to ensure virginity until marriage. Although I do not agree with female circumcision, and taking all sexual pleasure out of a woman's life, who am I, or who are we to say they need to stop this practice?
What if you were a mother of a young girl in Africa? Would you circumcise her? It is all too easy for us Westerners to quickly say no. But what if it meant your daughter would never be married if she wasn't? In most cultures in West Africa if a woman reaches marriage age and has not been circumcised they are viewed as dirty, unclean, a sexually deviant woman, but more hurtful, unmarriageable. If you knew you would never be able to marry off your daughter you may think twice about the traditions that are expected. A woman might even be upset with their mother for not making it a priority to follow the culture of the land.
This may be an extreme example but all I'm provoking is we not be so quick to judge when we hear about other countries, or even our own, that value different things from our own views.
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Homeostatic Mechanisms
It isn't hard to argue that family is important. Most people grow up wanting kids, a spouse and the white picket fence. But what happens when behind those large red painted door, life isn't what it may seem. Well truth is, no one has a perfect family. The kids don't always go to bed on time and sometimes the in-laws have to move in. It isn't the problems, but rather how you handle them is what keeps families in tact.
Every member of the family plays a significant role. The more aware you are of all the roles we play in the family the better we can work around each other. When one family member isn't functioning properly it can throw off then entire family system. Like a car part in the engine, or a puzzle piece. To make sure your part is well greased and in well functioning order.
One way we can do this is through feedback. Positive feedback is intended to create more of a behavior. We can get this feedback through our family members. When someone validates your feelings you are more inclined to repeat your actions or comments. Between young adult children and parents this can be a useful tool in letting others know what is welcomed or enjoyed.
We need to pay closer attention to the impact we each have on the ever moving and changing family system. Together as a family we need to work with one another to make sure each of us is being the best self we are able to. If there are things to correct, like there most often are. We need to make things right. If this is through therapy or just breaking bad habits. Boundaries sometimes need to be set between parents and children. A family as a unit takes work but can become stronger.
Every member of the family plays a significant role. The more aware you are of all the roles we play in the family the better we can work around each other. When one family member isn't functioning properly it can throw off then entire family system. Like a car part in the engine, or a puzzle piece. To make sure your part is well greased and in well functioning order.
One way we can do this is through feedback. Positive feedback is intended to create more of a behavior. We can get this feedback through our family members. When someone validates your feelings you are more inclined to repeat your actions or comments. Between young adult children and parents this can be a useful tool in letting others know what is welcomed or enjoyed.
We need to pay closer attention to the impact we each have on the ever moving and changing family system. Together as a family we need to work with one another to make sure each of us is being the best self we are able to. If there are things to correct, like there most often are. We need to make things right. If this is through therapy or just breaking bad habits. Boundaries sometimes need to be set between parents and children. A family as a unit takes work but can become stronger.
Tuesday, May 5, 2015
Classmates Blog
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